Holding on

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In discussions about my business I vacillate on whether I’m good at what I do. It feels sad to write that but that is in fact the case when it comes to business, running a business and dealing with the ins and outs of marketing and management. My wife has expressed to me as have clients that what I do is amazing. Nothing short of the best bodywork they’ve ever received and that I just seem to be able to get into areas and release tension that no one else can touch. Clients will often tell me, “no one has ever worked on that area before.”

So I settle on the side of my bodywork is fantastic. It’s not ego, just ten years experience and work. Anything you work on that long you’ll get better even if it’s not a gift. If my work is then so good, why does my income, client base and public praise feel so low? This isn’t just a whiney post saying woe is me. This is my blog and my exploration of education, practice and business. So, in short, why am I not being hunted down by clients? Why are people not lined up down the block to see me? Why am I not to some degree materially wealthy from my work?

I have to be cautious about this conversation with people because I can get testy. I’ve spent ten years pouring my heart and soul into what I do so it’s meaningful to me. During a conversation with my wife about it last night she just declared, “people are attached to their pain, on some level they don’t want to heal.” In discussion we layed out that some people simply hold on to what they know. Healing is difficult and letting go seems painful, the pain you know is preferred.

Is that it? I’m not looking for an answer per se, this is just an exploration. Do people have a belief system, culture and background that simply prefers pain and endless medication/surgeries until the end of life? Even if that is the case what about the I guess 1% that actually want to get better? I only need that 1% of clients to follow me to have a wildly lucrative and fantastic practice.

So why doesn’t it spill over? When does the cup not overflow? I’m not really certain. I know that I dedicated myself to the healing arts in spite of income and over time have come to question whether what I do should be more lucrative. Where’s the lack in nature? There is no lack, nature provides glut, overabundance beyond what we need. A farmer grows so many apples he’s got to make cider.

In that same way, is it image? Have I focused on substance only to realize I don’t have a big fancy studio with wood floors? There’s no incense burning and future trips to Thailand for further education planned? I’m not really sure.

I do know that without a doubt I will not stop what I’m doing. I’ve devoted and dedicated myself to my own and my clients/students healing for ten years and will stop at nothing to continue promoting what I do. The general public knows nothing of what I do. Nothing. They believe health is an absence of symptoms and medications make symptoms go away. Surgeries cure things by cutting them out. Meanwhile, I’m focused on teaching the basics, here’s how you breathe, here’s how you stand.

I will not stop. If forced to live in a cardboard box I will continue what I’m doing. There is no other option, now I must only find those willing to come along. When it comes to many things I believe you get them when you let go, not when you hold on. When dealing with influence I remind myself that Jesus only had 12 disciples but he’s had a fairly large influence on people. So, I’m glad I have a place to discuss the process of letting go.

Mountain pose

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Tadasana or mountain pose is the foundational standing pose in hatha yoga. The alignment in the posture influences all of the other standing postures so it’s important to work on your alignment to get a sense of how proper posture here influences other poses in your practice.

It may seem odd to teach people to stand correctly but that’s what we do. As you watch the video notice how even my posture changes in the pose. I have a small sway back and it’s interesting to see myself in video form leading you through the alignment. Feel the pose as you make shifts. Your body will tell you what feels right if you listen. As you move or adjust yourself further notice how one part of your body flows into another differently due to the changes you make.

In the pose always continue breathing calmly. Increase, follow and explore the breath. See where it takes you.

Shock and awe

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I don’t usually feel like a rock star but ten years into my practice I sit back and realize my skill set has made me one of the best of my profession. My clients are those who wish to get better and will work to get there. If they’ve come in just to relax we won’t get very far long term. It’s not just providing bodywork it’s providing education and therapeutic exercise to get a client where they want to be.

At a party recently a young man was asking me about yoga, Bikram yoga specifically. He started by asking how I’d gotten so ripped. I laughed and realized he was talking about this photo:

I found it funny because in western culture abs are something of a symbol. Male health and virility are all in the abs I think, least the cast of 300 will tell you so.

He asked what I do and I told him I do Bikram once a week on average for the past 6 years. I also do other yoga, work on clients, eat well and stay active. Nothing crazy is done, just a simple and good life. In discussions about work and clients he asked if I wanted clients to come back again and again because it’s good for business. Emphatically I replied no, that’s just the opposite of what I want.

Over a short conversation I explained to him that if he came to see me, my goal is to help make him better, to give him the tools to make himself better so that I’m no longer needed. Then, he’ll tell all of his friends. That’s where my clients come from. This is no revolving door practice. If you want a therapist who’ll try to schedule your next session immediately with some pressure, sorry, you’re not going to get it from me.

A client came in recently with the usual upper back and neck pain. In the course of our intake he mentioned many herniated discs, ongoing pain for years and I began for me what is my usual work. I began the massage and told him, “you need to begin taking yoga classes.” After a brief back and forth he explained that the doctors told him, “no yoga.” I politely told him that his doctors didn’t know what they were talking about.

How can I say this? I’m only a massage therapist and yoga instructor and certainly not a doctor. Quite frankly, most doctors don’t seem to know what they’re doing to their patients long term if what I see every day is any indication. Nerve blocks, pain medication, unneeded surgeries and thousands of dollars worth of tests to try to diagnose what? Most of these clients simply suffer from chronically poor alignment and myofascial pain. The simple form is their posture sucks and they hurt. How do I know?

Laughs out loud. Lol Because I used to as well. Then I thought for myself and grew up. I was man enough to challenge every notion thrown at me.

Yoga is not what most people think it is. The practice is broad. I can teach it to an athlete. I can teach a 90 year old lady and I can teach someone who’s doctor has told them yoga is bad. Yoga isn’t what you think it is. If you hurt, my suggestion is you need to find a good teacher and learn.

Working on the client, observing his posture and back curvature I asked if he had any numbness or tingling in his hands. There was no reason for me to ask, nothing on the intake indicated this. I can see! I’ve done this ten years. Yes, he told me, his right hand goes numb. I reached over to my old friend the rotator cuff and began my usual work. 5 seconds later I hear groaning and ask, do you feel that in your hand? Guess what the reply is?

You do not have to have a medical degree to heal yourself. I’ve worked too long and too hard to butt up against medical professionals who won’t grow up and give their clients real information and a populace that’s too lazy to get better. I cannot do it for you. I will help, I can lead you to water, but you must drink.

Massage therapists, if you’re reading this you’re missing out by not sitting in my studio and begging for me to teach you. Nothing I do is a secret but no one is doing it. Don’t believe me? I’ve been in Austin, Texas for 6 years and I don’t have a regular massage therapist. Know why? I haven’t found one good enough to give me the work I desire. This isn’t being uppity, it’s being honest. I’m teaching Thai massage to students to get them to work on me.

You want to get better? Forget what you’ve been told by overweight doctors who smoke and have bad relationships. You want to heal, go to someone who’s healing themselves. Do what you’ve always done and you get what you’ve always got. I’m sick of seeing clients lumber into my office with horrible posture and a list of medications a mile long wondering why they’re sick while doctors and pharmaceuticals companies shake hands and smile at each other.

My health, I’ve earned it. Plain, simple and you can to. I don’t just give you advice, I follow my own.

Can you hear it? Off in the distance. I hear shock and awe. How can he say such things?

I can say it with all the righteous indignation I can muster at 35 years of age. It’s your life! This is not a game. Harness your body and grow well. I’ll see you soon for Thai massage and a yoga class.

variations in plow

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Plow and shoulderstand are usually performed together, plow first then up into shoulderstand. This gives the shoulders a chance to settle, allows the spine time to lengthen and open as well as blood to begin to settle near the head. Once you’re comfortable with the standard poses the variations allow some movement of the legs in a wide range of motion.

You can literally play in the poses once you’re comfortable and you’re searching for new space, new feeling and opening of tissue. Yoga poses feel focused, calm, aware and centered while you’re in them. Once you’ve found good space in your body breathe deeply and see if your rib cage, diaphragm and spine can find a new space to open into. The sense of play comes from an open awareness without destination. You’re not just trying to go into the pose deeper, you’re exploring.

Breathe into the pose. Feel it out, make small adjustments and fine tune movement. Enjoy how the poses feel.

Sluggish

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Well it’s bound to happen sooner or later. I caught a cold or virus that threw me for a loop this past week. My wife Andrea went to a fiber festival and picked up a bug that was like the 12 monkeys, ebola pox, andromeda strain. She does great fiber work and both of us were stuck around the house and unable to even enjoy each others company. Nothing like smooching on someone who’s all congested.

Wife’s fiber site

In the midst of my sickness I sat on the couch, watched lots of horrible tv and played poker till I became a statistical analysis machine. I made huge leaps in my poker theory and practice but my body is very sluggish at the moment. I believe my lymph is used to being moved around due to activity and in a week, I don’t think I did a headstand. That’s a big change for someone who does them multiple times a day. I even cancelled a few clients, something that nearly never happens.

I remind myself regularly that it’s ok to blunder, ok to get sick and even more ok to communicate I’m not at my best and I’ll see you later for your yoga class or Thai massage session. I work hard, very hard. This includes some manual labor. All that wonderful pressure you enjoy, my joints supply that. My muscles do the work, it’s not digging a ditch but it is manual labor. Those great alignment tips I give, that takes mental focus and close attention to detail. My work is good, I love what I do but when sick, take a break.

I’ll rest when I need and I suggest you do the same. We’ll leave sluggish to the slugs.

Shoulderstand

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Shoulderstand or salamba sarvangasana is the queen of the yoga poses. Along with headstand which is the king, they are royalty. These two poses, if you can do nothing else during a day, are said to be the most beneficial. The blood bath that the thyroid and parathyroid receive is said to be extremely healing to the human body. Long term I believe this is why many yogis live long lives, regulating the endocrine system is no small feat.

Make sure to use the mats or blankets and go slow. This small steady platform will take pressure off of the neck and allow the spine to lift up into a true inversion. If anything feels off, uncomfortable or strained come out. Yoga is not a rush but a lifetime pursuit. Go with standing poses, wait for your strength and flexibility to grow then return. I’ve done this in my practice with both headstand and shoulderstand.

These poses are more advanced but I’ve covered them first to stress their importance. Standing poses will be next in the series.

Plow pose

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Halasana or plow pose is a common pairing with shoulderstand or salamba sarvangasana. Plow allows a deep flexion of the spine and opening that supports the eventual lift into shoulderstand. One should be cautious, particularly if you’ve not performed this pose previously. Go slow, walk the feet back and take your time. Your breath is more important than the depth of the posture you achieve.

The pose helps the thyroid, parathyroid and the digestive tract due to pulling the belly towards the spine. Additionally you can get a hamstring stretch and the benefits of a partial inversion. Use the mats or blankets as shown in the video. I used to loathe both plow and shoulderstand due to attempting the pose without and feeling strain on my cervical spine or neck.

Plow is an excellent addition to a vibrant energetic practice. It’s calming to the nervous system as is common with forward bends.

Optimism

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Mental states have much to do with our success not only in life overall but dealing with our health. For many years I’ve been a pessimist. My feelings about humanity, our species involvement with the planet and our direction have left me feeling lacking many times. Pessimism is taking in life and presuming that the worst will come. I admit I’m not as pessimistic about individuals but about society as a whole.

Over the years I’ve noticed my perspective change. For the first time I’ve become an optimist. I’ve had thoughts that surprised me, thoughts where I looked down the road to something seemingly bad and said, “oh, that’ll turn into something good somehow.” More than anything I consider myself a realist. I don’t wish for rose colored glasses but illusion does no one any good. Ridding myself of notions has been a matter of repeatedly changing perspective and then realizing that I don’t know everything. Variables prevent the scientific method and they prevent our selves from forming strong conclusions due to lack of information.

As my health improves, as I age and learn what I do not know I’m able to settle into a far happier place. This place can often be where paradox lives. Optimism and pessimism all live in perspective, my suggestion is to continue to change it.

A client with some health issues was asking me for assistance. I told her that I’m happy to give her bodywork, happy to teach her yoga but in her particular state Bikram yoga would be a huge asset. She was told calmly that I’ve no wish to keep her as a client, that I prefer she get better, move on and tell her friends I assisted her healing process. I do not operate a revolving door.

This frankness, this direct expression of a client not being another paycheck to me is necessary. When you work with me, you work with me. All of my flaws, foibles and errors of judgement are included in that. I continue to shift my mental states along with my health. Healers must be honest with themselves and honest with clients.

I smiled as I pulled into Yogagroove for my regular Bikram yoga class only to see my client leaving the studio after practice. She’ll not need me for very long if she keeps going. This is good and life helps me become an optimist.