I was hit by a drunk driver and did what I had to to survive and get out of pain. Then I passed that information onto an entire of industry of massage therapists who fight struggle strain get carpal tunnel syndrome and declare me unprofessional.
A colleague at a local massage school told an educator they were working with me and the teacher said, “oh yeah Robert, we’ve heard good things about his work but he’s….controversial.”
I don’t act right. I don’t speak right. I don’t tow party line or kowtow to tradition. Your traditions nearly killed me and led me down a path towards oxycontin and heroin addiction.
I’m pain free. After being hit by a drunk driver at 22. I never Really wanted to be a massage therapist. I wanted to be free of pain. I wanted to share what I’d learned about being pain free. For that? I’m likely one of the most hated educators in our industry.
It’s ok though. I’m in good company. Socrates was put to death for corrupting the youth. A rabbi I know of was crucified because he helped people healed people and didn’t instill a tradition but broke them down.
What else do you expect from me? I don’t break any laws but I do resist your rules. Rules laid down by a very sick culture.
I teach what I do for nearly free. I mentor for $7/month. I do interactive livestreams to raving fans who are helping people and receiving top notch education while I’m told it’s impossible to learn online.
It is possible. I will show you the way. Now let me and my fans go have fun.
I got an email from a subscriber who was going to unsubscribe. She wasn’t using the prerecorded video in our vault and we were currently doing a multicamera livestream, a new offering in my teaching. I’m working with her to give her the value she needs to stay and continue learning but many Lmt have been told the following lie, “you can’t learn massage online.”
I think about this often as I used to believe the same thing.
I’m a bodyworker and yogi first. I work with flesh.
Making workbooks dvds then social media videos for youtube began to shift my mentality as I noticed that I kept getting messages about how much xyz helped someone online. This person had never been in my physical presence but found benefit from what I was doing. If they can how far can this go?
I decided that even With online disadvantages (we all agree that in person 5 year long apprenticeships will be better 🙂 ) online was something I needed to improve. I’ve done that.
When we released a subscription our #1 question was, “what’s a subscription?” Students didn’t understand how we were putting together information for people and they mostly still don’t. I had to tell people, “it’s a video subscription. We’re the netflix of massage education.”
Multicamera livestreams are more groundbreaking more innovative and it will take years for our industry to understand what’s happening right now. It will be dismissed for now. Long term our world will have to contend with what I’m sharing and with nearly inifinite capacity to reduce class costs and scale information worldwide I will find those students willing to go the distance.
I can offer real solid education for pennies on the dollar and at nearly 20 years in my industry I’m excited to see what the next 20 holds. In 2040 I will be 63. 🙂 I look forward to what technology will allow me to do then.
For now, subscribe if you have not and see what the future of online bodywork education looks like.
My sincerest hope is that someone will read this to Thich Nhat Hanh. I hope that my teacher will have a chance to know how he changed my life. This was originally written just after Thay’s stroke.
Years ago as part of my own search for health I started practicing yoga. Along with my Thai massage practice I grew more interested in meditation and Buddhism. Combing through the shelves at the local library I ran across many of your books and thumbed through them as a novice.
Being a westerner Buddhism was new to me. I was more familiar with the stories of Jesus from the New Testament but I was drawn into your way of writing and sharing your spiritual life for the benefit of others. I read more slowly, focused more on your words and slowly things became more clear. You my brother, could see. Your words were not prose, they were poetry in the form of prose. You prodded me to look deeper at life, to live fully and learn to love everyone starting with myself.
I was in a place of great anger. I’d been hit by a drunk driver and had very bad pain. The legal and medical establishment did little to help me and that’s how I stumbled into yoga then meditation to begin with. I was angry at the world, angry at society, angry about war, angry that so much wealth accumulated at the top while people starved at the bottom.
As my practice continued and deepened I grew calm. My clarity increased and my mental focus sharpened. The anger though was still present. I’d not overcome it. If anything it grew. I was confused without teachers to show me the way. The more clear I became internally the more askew the world seemed. My days were spent breathing, doing Thai massage, yoga, fasting and cleanses, open mic standup comedy (to deal with anger) and volunteering with hospice. I did my best just to experience what was going on without judgement. As long as I did not harm others or encourage bad karma I had to process my own stuff. The only way out was through.
I knew from your books and talks that you could see. You hadn’t turned away from the darkness. You stared at it and smiled. You honored the darkness within yourself and integrated it. I’d always been interested in the Vietnam war. Once while giving a report on it in school I was asked by a fellow student if it was actually a war. Puzzled, I answered yes that it was a war and my teacher corrected me and announced that Congress must declare war for it to be a war in the United States. I felt very sad for all those who perished and were injured on either side for what was not considered a war.
I’d seen footage from My Lai. I’d seen the photo of a small girl running naked through the street because she’d been burned by napalm that my government used tax dollars to produce. I’d seen the footage of the monk, lighting himself on fire in protest. All of that, I knew you’d seen it. I knew that you had not closed your eyes, had not hardened your heart and chose the side of humanity rather than the division of north or south Vietnam. You saw all of it deeply and allowed the sadness to push you further into your practice, into meditation and to love all deeply.
Knowing all of that I remember reading one of you books and encountering this idea, “The world is perfect just as it is.” I read this. I backed up and read it again. I knew you’d seen all I’ve previously mentioned. Could it be? I grew angry. I became furious at you for writing such a thing in your book. I do not recall what book it was since I read so many but I was so angry with you.
Thay, I wanted to fight you. I wanted to roll up my fists and punch you to make you take it all back. “The world is perfect just as it is.” How could you say such a thing? That’s horrible! How could you see all that darkness and declare that things were perfect just as they are? I was so angry. It took me weeks of thinking, pondering, yoga and meditation to relax and not be so upset with you.
I tell people that you are a miltant pacifist. I tell them that you were fiercely neutral during the war and aided any you could by rebuilding homes and easing their suffering. This man who’d dedicated his life to peace and compassion became someone I was so angry with I wanted to be violent. In the midst of all of that I saw you smile. No matter how angry I became, how much I protested you smiled. You put that in your book for a reason. You are a good teacher and you see, you broke me. You broke me of my error. You shined a mirror up to me and my own predicament.
All I could see was that smile. At first in my mind it was mocking, teasing due to my error in judgment. Over time I realized it was clear, calm and full of compassion for my situation. You see, a monk doesn’t write an entire book about anger without experiencing his own first. You hadn’t just been writing words. You shared your experience. Your experience led you through the same darkness time and again and you found a way out. A way that led to more calm, more mindfulness and more love.
In a sense when you said, “The world is perfect just as it is” you didn’t mean that what happens is good. You didn’t say anyone deserved it. You just said that it’s perfect as it is. I’d spent so much time with my energy focused outward. I was angry at them out there! I was angry at those people. I’d spent all of my time being angry about the outside to the exclusion of spending more time looking within.
If the world is perfect as it is who do I complain to? Who do I attack? Where do I put my energy to then make the world a better place? How do I correct it? All of these things sat on me heavily for weeks. What was I to do? You’d left me in an uncomfortable teaching that shook me deeply albeit from the kind wise words of a smiling monk. I’d grow angry then see you smile. I’d want to continue being angry but all I could see what your smile and vision that would not waver.
What I realized is that you were forcing me to look at myself then asking me if I was going continue the endless cycle of pain and suffering or choose to end it in myself. Attacking those others over there just covers up the anger and creates ceaseless duality that leads to dukkha itself.
When you said the world is perfect just as it is it was a strong mirror. You see. I believed you. I trusted you as a teacher to shed light. The light you shed was almost too much for me to bear. It took time but I understood that you were pushing me back inside myself. You pushed me back into meditation. You pushed me to uncover the darkness within myself, then I could go help others adequately. I’d spent my time being angry at the outside instead of balancing the inner and outer. You’ve no issue with my inner anger at injustice but what will I choose to do with it? There lies the teaching. The world is experiencing dukkha. What will you not do about it? That was the teaching. You presented a choice. I chose.
Over time I grew in my practice, integrated your teachings and wasn’t as angry. I understood your teaching and cherished the fact that a militant pacifist, a man so dedicated to peace and harmony that I was sure flowers must sprout out of your footsteps made me want to fight. I feel so honored to have shared our world with you and hope that this letter finds you well. My hope is that someone will read this to you and share what you’ve done for me. I hope that it makes you smile.
You’ve encouraged me to heal and confront my own inconsistencies, my own imbalance and strive to help others live good lives. I honor you brother for all that you’ve shared and wanted to wish you well.
When I found out about your recent sickness I went to my wife and with sadness and with a crestfallen demeanor told her you’d had a brain hemorrhage. Near tears she consoled me and let me talk about you. I wanted to write you to make sure you had a chance to know what you and your life have meant to me. I honor your teaching and thank you for sharing with me to crack me open. That crack let all the light in.
Thank you so much teacher. I shall honor you always. I’m very happy that a monk of small physical stature taught me most of what I know about love. Thank you brother.
Metta
Robert 🙂
https://www.robertgardnerwellness.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/4.jpg788940Robert Gardnerhttps://www.robertgardnerwellness.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Robert-Gardner-Wellness-Header.pngRobert Gardner2020-10-06 03:15:402023-07-13 13:25:26Letter to Thay
I see you keep saying that if we have any questions to contact you so here I am. I don’t know how anyone can be bored. My time off has been filled with educating myself, but that’s just me. I don’t know if I have questions exactly. I guess I just want to know what your response is to these two things or what you think about them, I guess. My first thing is that I tested out some moves that I saw in the membership videos and I did it on the clinic director where I work. She said that she didn’t want to get undressed and I said that was fine. I put my leg up on the table and she asked me if I was going to spoon with her! I was like fuck you! Then a few weeks ago, before my professions were all put on the cease-operations list, I found out she told the owner because they started teasing me about it. I was like, “You told her?!” I was actually pretty pissed about that. Number one, because I’m a professional and I was trying something new that I felt got thrown in my face. Number two, because she went and told the owner and then it got thrown at me again. Thankfully, it was the clinic director, but I don’t want that to happen with a patient or a client. I DEFINITELY don’t want to make anyone uncomfortable. That’s my first thing.
My other thing that I wanted to reach out to you about is that I notice that you talk a lot about the clients groaning. I was in the middle of watching one of the videos on the membership while you were working on someone. I don’t know if it was just this person’s voice or what, but the way she was talking and the sounds that she made sounded very…. inappropriate. I’ve had that before where I had a client that was, full on, the entire time moaning. It was one of the most uncomfortable experiences I’ve had as a massage therapist. I asked another therapist that worked with me at that spa if the woman had done that to her and she laughed and said, “Oh yeah, I forgot about that.” How do you forget about that?! One of my worst fears is having someone hear that going on in my room and thinking something else is going on in the room and then having everything that follows. I don’t want to ruin anyone’s experience, but I also don’t want to be uncomfortable during a session because they can’t contain themselves and I don’t know how to stop it. Or stop that politely. Everything that comes out of my mouth sounds way bitchier than I mean it to sound. On the other hand, being a female therapist I don’t want to have a male client making those sound effects and I think it’s fine and it turns into something else.
I lied, I do have one more thing. I am tiny. I just watched a live class this morning and the instructor told us how much his bulldog weighed and I was like holy shit that dog weighs almost as much as I do. I’m small, but I’m mighty and I know that I can put in a good amount of pressure using my arms. When I’ve tried using my body on a guinea pig, they said exactly what you always say that they will say about how it’s less pointy and they prefer it. My challenge is that I can’t “feel” how much pressure I’m giving. Knowing how small I am, I feel like it’s not enough and I can’t “feel” the response of the person’s body.
I look forward to hearing what you have to say about all of this.
Thank you!–Student
I’ve many thoughts on what you’re saying and have noticed that students experiences parallel the things I’ve dealt with as a therapist. At least in your case you have someone to email and ask questions of.
Years ago I worked at a spa called Salon Londyn. It was at that time the nicest and ritziest spa in Baton Rouge and I’d studied Thai massage with my original teacher. I loved mat based work and was forced to improvise what I could on a table.
The staff did not like me. I was never certain but I suspect the other therapists were very intimidated by me and I’d no notion or kowtowing to public demands for massage mediocrity. I received review cards that rated my sessions as the best the clients had ever received. I’d done stellar work and was only out of school by a year or so at this point.
The spas lead therapist came in to check out what this Thai massage was and got on the table clothed since we’d no mat space in the facility. I worked on her and eventually performed a move where you slide in between the clients legs to access the gluteals. She immediately commented, “oh my god, the clients junk would be hanging on my leg if I did this.”
Part of the issue is that mixing table work and mat work confuses and perpetuates the worst of both cultures.
People who are used to a nice box for western massage are put at odds when you leave clothes on. They’re put at odds with passive body contact like your leg and they don’t really have a cultural context for what’s going on. Part of the reason I’m moving away from Thai massage and moving away from the dominant culture is that it is deeply deeply sick and toxic.
To survive I had to adapt.
My body mechanics are different on a table and I was young and trying things that I’d not full experience performing on a table. I had to make this mat based box I loved fit a western cultural context.
I was fired from that job shortly after. My comment cards with 5 stars were in the break room. I was called into the office and told, “here at Salon Londyn we’re trying to build a team. Sometimes the team works and sometimes it doesn’t so we’re going to have to let you go.” I was asked if I had anything to say. I was prepared to trash the entire infrastructure but what good does that do? It doesn’t allow me to build anything professionally and in the end this business will be gone soon enough. I said, “Business is business and shook the owners hand.”
Later they went out of business. Mine is still growing 18 years later.
Trying to make my work fit into spa culture is like trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole.
If you really want to do what I teach. If you really want to help people that’s not available in massage facilities. Quit and work for yourself.
It’s ok if you can make it fit somewhere but no one will believe me until licensed massage therapists do my work at a scale that essentially renders the spas and clinics obsolete by not creating a superior service. I don’t offer relaxation as a standalone. I offer pain relief that’s also deeply relaxing.
Groaning in session is to me a good sign. Usually it just means we’ve hit a sweet spot in the client’s nervous system and people express that vocally. If you remove that vocal track it could likely be mistaken for pornhub. 🙂
Part of the issue is working on naked people who are moaning is different than working on clothed people with my feet digging into their shoulder blade who are groaning as something releases. Context including cultural context is everything.
When you put your leg up and the person asked if you were going to spoon them is a normal response for someone with very limited touch contact from other people. Who do we touch in America? At most we give handshakes and at it’s max someone gives someone a hug and it’s considered an edge. Imagine hugging someone who doesn’t want a hug?
See the response and pullback? My work and what I’m teaching you is more intimate and more connected than other forms of bodywork but it’s far less sexual. That’s hard for America coming from a puritanical culture and you can check pornhub statistics to see what Americans do in their free time. They’re obsessed with sex! We use it to sell everything and advertise but we don’t want to openly discuss it because it’s a taboo.
When I interact with clients having done what I do for 18 years I operate from a very odd vantage point. I’m Deeply intimate with clients and often touch them in ways that no one has ever experienced.
Think about that for a second. I’m a married white male touching people in my home in ways that they’ve never had before. If you think the public doesn’t get it, don’t stop there. Massage therapists don’t get it either. I was banned from two different WA state massage groups for posting the following:
Helping clients? Great. Connecting deeply to help people in pain? Awesome. Pissing off massage therapist by working in ways they don’t understand by massage people with your butt? Priceless.
My own community banned me. 🙂 It’s ok. I know it’s hard to accept when you when through schools and businesses that accepted mediocrity. I know that the oxycontin epidemic and the Sackler family are ok by how you behave and how you vote.
I chose a different path. It’s not for everyone. It’s for the rebels. We don’t break the law but we break all the rules.
You can’t film here! Why? Why can’t I record my sessions and teach people in sub Saharan Africa from their cell phone so they can work on people in their village?
Most people are average. That’s the definition of average. My students are not. My students question authority. They think for themselves. They speak and communicate with clients to help ease their pain and we do a really solid good job of it to the point where we’re being questioned as to what we do Is In Fact Massage.
If it’s not I’m going to teach it globally online and no one can stop me. That’s what happens when you resist and push back against an anarchist until he discovers the internet and global distribution.
Here’s a conversation I had with a student the other night:
Nathalie Gregory is dealing with the same pre pandemic struggles other students are. She’s trying to save her body and help clients. Does the facility care?
Usually no. People resist fight and rebuke change on every front. The clients want what we do and the facilities that refuse to allow it will not exist 10 years from now. We get to choose what we do. I will always always recommend that therapists study with me, quit their jobs and start private practice where we only answer to happy pain free customers.
Lastly each client will want a different amount of pressure. Talk with them. Ask them for feedback. Do they want more? Do they want less? Do they want you to shear? It’s their body and their session. Honor that and don’t compromise your body as you work.
Everyone’s tools are shaped differently. Your elbow main be pointier. My client might allow more pressure cause my elbow is broad so there’s no definitive way to determine pressure except to break a long standing rule and stop being silent for the whole session. Stop giving massage and start helping people with pain by Talking to them. 🙂
It will be even more complex once you start using your knees and feet to feel with. You’ll develop touch sensitivity but it takes time and much practice. Practice I might add that is not allowed in any major massage facility in America. #renegade
I hope this helped and shed some light. I’ve zero faith than any massage facility in America will listen but that’s ok. In the middle of global pandemic we have a yoga community and stretch facilities to teach online.
https://www.robertgardnerwellness.com/wp-content/uploads/2021/02/5.jpg788940Robert Gardnerhttps://www.robertgardnerwellness.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/Robert-Gardner-Wellness-Header.pngRobert Gardner2020-04-01 19:32:422023-07-13 13:28:23Questions from Students #1
