13 pt.5

Andrea is in the car and on her way home. Now begins the healing process and medication to keep pain at bay till it’s gone. I suspect there will be naps, food and lots of Sherlock. 😛

Thanks for following the blog and giving me space to put my energy out online. There have been many emotions this past week and a writer friend who encouraged my bodywork practice and writing is gone. It will take time to process all that’s come and gone.

I remind myself while teaching yoga that I must never become an elitist. I never wish to feel I can’t learn something from a forward bend even if I’m 90. A good yoga teacher, much like a lover, is supple, aware and engaged. Never think yourself so advanced to not learn from something from a beginner. Pompous and arrogant have no place in teaching yoga. Upright and righteous sure. Standing tall and taking in what’s going on in class certainly. Thinking you know it all, never.

Take time to breathe in all aspects of life. Sit. Wait. Breathe again. Then act.

Love you all.

13 pt.4

So Andrea’s surgery went well. She should be awake in a few hours. The doctor reported that all looked clear and that her ovaries stayed in.

This was a debate with the original doctor. The original doctor was pretty adamant that from the time Andrea found out we’d come in for surgery in a week and Andrea would essentially do as she was told. Those are harsh words but they feel truthful to what I heard. Cancer kills, we go in an remove it first before it spreads was the method. Andrea had more of an issue with the fact that the original doctor gave her very little information and barely treated her like a person, she was just a collection of symptoms. Again, harsh words but we’re dealing with a potentially life ending proposition so I cut the doctor some slack.

The second doctor was willing to talk to Andrea more, give her info and explain the procedures and options in more detail. This doctor also was apprehensive about her ovaries. “Do my ovaries have tumors? Do they contain cancer?” The doctor has to tell her no if that is in fact the case but microscopic is the word no one likes to hear. Ovaries are extremely vascular, if the lymph nodes and and ovaries also metastisize then it’s highly likely to be a Huge life threatening ordeal.

If Andrea has her ovaries out, ovaries which are completely healthy she reduces her chance of anything spreading and she’s mostly done using them right? She’s had 4 children from natural child birth. Well, they still produce hormones that will continue to do their thing through her life cycle into menopause. So modern cancer is a balance between ok, let’s remove half of your body just in case or risk dying. Andrea has had a healthy normal sex drive and life for all of her adult life. The doctors and nurses were Aghast that she’d never had a surgery. There were concerns about anesthesia because she’s never had it and therefore they don’t know how she responds to certain drugs. “You’ve had four children, how did you not have surgery?” I waited for Andrea to respond and she firmly said, “I had four children from Natural Childbirth.” You could tell they’re not used to hearing that in a hospital where a normal bodily function can be deemed deadly.

“How much risk are we talking about? Give me numbers.” The doctor then told Andrea the risk was from 2-5% that the cancer could spread from her cervix to the ovaries if left behind. Andrea decided on her own that they could remove anything that had cancer and she wanted to keep the ovaries IF they were clear. If the doctors went in and there were anomalies remove them. I supported Andrea’s conclusion and the doctor was willing to sign off on it but expressed that if it were her…

2-5% on pokerstars loses me some hands in poker. 2-5% on life? It’s not something anyone wants to gamble with but as Andrea and I joked with the doctor I can always find a new wife. Fortunately the doctors had a sense of humor, something I find common amongst those in a medical field that concerns life or death.

So now we wait for the Friday the 13th lady to wake up.

13 pt.3

Hospital cafeteria food? Is it really food? It may be a touch better than what I remember being served in public school but I can’t consider it much in the way of health giving. Food is an extremely touchy subject for many people. I think I’ve lost more friends to vegetarianism, vegans or raw food than anything including drugs or religion.

What’s healthy to eat? There is no definition of health. George Burns lived on coffee and cigars and lived to be 100. I’m not saying it’s everyones choice but all things in moderation.

Beyond the nutritional content of the muffins, juice and high fructose corn syrup of the coke I just purchased from the cafe is the quantity that people consume those foods in. I’m unsure of the ratio but I often think our bodies are capable of fending off huge amounts of illness but we overtax them. Do we really need the buffet at Golden Corral? Quality and quantity are linked in much the same way that nature and nurture are.

High fructose corn syrup is consumed in amounts that are staggering. It’s placed into most packaged processed foods and although I don’t avoid it all together I do try to limit it in our house. I started buying soda with regular sugar like Mountain Dew Throwback and the kids like it just fine. Regular sugar has the same glycemic index issues but I trust it more due to its longer history with our species. We also limit the kids to a single soda a day.

It’s not to me about absolutes, right and wrong so much as general paths. This is the direction we’re headed, what helps us get there? I don’t want to feel shame when I eat anything, even the Whataburger I had late last night. Guilt, shame, and eating to avoid feeling is a sure way to develop a negative relationship to something that should be healing. Taking joy in food, even the occasional soda with hfcs is surely better for you than being sad and lamenting your choices for hours on end.

Now to find out if I get arrested for doing headstands in the hospital waiting room.

13 part deux

Before you’ve practiced, the theory is useless. After you’ve practiced, the theory is obvious. -David Williams, Ashtanga teacher

The state of modern medicine is a constant source of confusion to me. How did we wind up here?

Andrea doesn’t have a goiter. Andrea has had a nodule, a growth on her thyroid gland since time immemorial. Every doctor she talks to expresses concern and wants to take it out but she’s a completely normal thyroid activity and doesn’t suffer from a malfunctional gland. It’s a benign growth and also presents no issues with her breathing or swallowing. It’s not uncomfortable and if it poses no issue, why remove it? If you have a mole that’s not cancerous but isn’t causing issues on your back do you leave it?

Doctors as with anyone else immediately grab onto what they can see and comment on it. Two nurses and one doctor have come in to prod the growth because they’re worried it pushes her trachea off and won’t allow her to be put to sleep for surgery. So my question is, if you know you have to put someone to sleep for surgery and you can SEE the growth wouldn’t you check that before, like…weeks ago when you scheduled the surgery?

We presume it’ll be fine but people have elevated blood pressure and heart rate when they see doctors for a reason. White coat syndrome is extremely common.

Integration is at the core of my work in wellness. Mostly I use yoga, diet and overall healthy lifestyle to have as little to do with doctors and hospitals as possible. I don’t know the biology of cancer because it’s not my area. My knowledge base in anatomy and physiology is very limited. My tools are archaic and rudimentary. They also seem to be the most influential over the course of a lifetime. Not only do I think a regular yoga practice leads to health I think it leads to well being.

The holistic nature of my work leads me to wonder why no one in a medical setting seems to communicate. From the word go western medicine treats people as organisms, consisting of organ system, organs, cells and on down the line. If you see a general practitioner then you see a specialist who focuses on some minutiae. When a conscious aware person is treated as a series of symptoms is it any doubt they get agitated?

Reductionist materialism has its place as does a scientific viewpoint but I often wonder if we’d cut off our nose to spite our face. HIPPA regulations make everything more complicated it seems and the more complex the more paperwork and people involved which means you add increasing layers of red tape and infrastructure to navigate some behemoth. Should I just be happy they sped up the paperwork for medicare/aid approval so Andrea could have her surgery? I’ll sit and breathe.

The frustration, when you push me into a corner, the fundamental opposition I have even after a long yoga practice where I feel serene is this, how much does this country spend on rockets and bombs every year? What about the rest of the world? Can we get together and put a little more into R&D on healthcare? We could argue many points but no one wishes their loved ones or friends and family to suffer at the hands of things that should be cured sooner rather than later.

I ran across an article that Ray Kurzweil would like about research on salamanders to regrow limbs, primarily for military veterans who’ve suffered from the effects of IED’s. Now let me be clear, I don’t wish for anyone to suffer. If anyone loses a limb I want medicine to be able to replace and restore a body back to pristine condition. With that in mind, I realize that we’re pushing into a brave new world but instead of working to regrow limbs why don’t we create a world where soldiers don’t have limbs blown off? Let’s keep troops home and work on world community where no one lacks basic food, shelter and basic human wants. You may say I’m a dreamer…

Do I look impressed?

Friday the 13th

I’m told that the number 13 is considered a bad omen due to Judas being the 13th disciple. Whatever the case we’ve all found it ironic that today would be the day that my wife is in the hospital to have her cervix removed. After an abnormal pap the word carcinoma came up on the phone and our medical quest began. Judas is traditionally considered the disciple who turned on Jesus, cancer is when your biology turns on you. Maybe there’s a justification for Judas libel but history doesn’t give us much information.

My first thought after brief discussion with my wife was that cancer cells don’t mean you have cancer. That is to say most people develop and take care of cancer many times during their lifetime. Its biology is just beginning to be understood and to give you an idea of how archaic our technology is in most cases you have cancer becomes what we’re doing now. Cut it out immediately and pray.

100 years from now how we treat cancer will be looked at as the dark ages. I find it ironic that I was reading The Singularity Is Near by Ray Kurzweil at the time we found out about the diagnosis. In the book he’s discussing the point at which technology expands so rapidly that man and machine fuse, the expansion of knowledge becomes so strong that humanity as we know it might not even be considered humanity any longer. Go and watch the Terminator series of films and then the Matrix. See how it all goes bad? Well to Ray Kurzweil it’s the opposite, it all goes good and disease, decay and even death itself is banished.

Gene therapy hasn’t been developed and since we don’t yet know how to turn off cancer, cutting it out seems to be the treatment of choice. Kurzweil believes that our smart phones will slowly be integrated into our own bodies, you’ll have google maps at a glance in your head and the decay of telomeres which control aging will have been vanquished. To make a long story short, everything gets better and machines will slowly integrate into us. The line between man and machine will vanish and we’ll spread out into the universe…forever. Sounds like heaven right?

Remember my wife is scared shitless about to have part of her body cut off. I put my hand on my forehead considering what Kurzweil promises is around the corner and where we’re actually at. I also remind myself that in the documentary Transcendent Man Kurzweil goes through open heart surgery. You see, he as much as anyone else is hoping the technology comes sooner rather than later. No one wants to exit a week before the Singularity gets here.

So it’s Friday the 13th and yesterday we found out that a long time friend passed away from cancer. She’d been battling for a long time and leaves behind a family and daughter less than a year old. Hearing of her passing the day before my wife’s surgery isn’t fun. Did I mention I also left a clients home to realize I’d only been left one shoe? Don’t worry, it’s replaceable just been a few odd days.

Carissa or Reesa as she’s known to friends and family was my age. She fought over the course of time and had peaks and valleys while her family does what everyone with a sick loved one does, go through a huge range of emotions and deals with life at that moment. Andrea and I are now dealing with the same. My only real security is that my wife and I have had our relationship in such a way that if we got hit by a bus on the way over to the hospital we’ve loved each other and expressed that love in a way that doesn’t leave regret. If one of us goes the other doesn’t have any ill feelings about how we’ve interacted with each other.

That’s not a cure for cancer but it’s the best we got.

I’ll be blogging through the day to take up time while at the hospital. I’ve got a pillow, a blanket, smart phone (not yet installed in me but Ray Kurzweil would say it’s coming soon) and a copy of Eric Schiffmann’s Moving Into Stillness.

Keep in touch, I’ll be posting and blogging through the coming days. Want to help? Schedule a massage in the future, come to a yoga class and share these or other blog posts and videos from my youtube channel. The more advertising I get, the more exposure and healing had and our family doesn’t worry where the rent comes from while Andrea recuperates.

Rhythms in nature

I’ve been gardening for years now and still know nothing. Patience is acquired in gardening through the slow process of whittling away the unnecessary much like your yoga practice.

 

Over time I start seeds in trays and get a 50% hit or miss ratio on sprouting and transplanting.

 

 

 

 

Direct seeding has been even more topsy turvy and I’d say I’ve got a 20% success rate. Some of my seed was getting old in the fall so I decided to just plant it directly and let nature take its course. I watered for several weeks and nothing sprouted. Oh well, live and learn. The planting guides for our area I’ve decided are written by trolls with a sense of humor.

 

 

We had lots of rain and then in the middle of winter, things sprout. Alright…just let the rhythm do what it does. You’re the reminder nature. Start where you are, grow your roots. Indeed.

How to neti pt.1

A neti pot is something all people should have and use regularly. No other cleaning and hygiene regimen within yoga is as important to daily health in my opinion. As yoga practitioners know your breathing helps control many of the other functions in your body, having poor breathing leads to poor health in the long term.

In Austin people are extremely susceptible to allergies and this is a way to fight them off. It’s not a cure but with regular use I suspect allergies aren’t as severe and it gives your body less to fight.

Clean your nose, it’s as simple as that. In a future video we’ll discuss the internal anatomy of the nose as it relates to breathing. Share this around, if you’ve not used a neti…start.

Link to purchase

Incremental money

Money is a sticky spot for most people. I know few who don’t have some stress about it in some form and as a full time massage therapist I’ve spent many nights wondering where the rent would come from.

I accrued 5k in credit card debt over the years and it came and went several times. Payed down, built up again and though my practice would grow, bills always seemed a little larger than my income. I’ve never been one to spend extravagantly but when you need groceries and you don’t have that paycheck for two weeks, credit card debt can build up easily when you stack car repairs on top.

Today I payed off my credit cards in full. That 5k in debt has taken me a year to work on incrementally and with good luck it’ll never come back. Compound interest I’ve heard it said is the strongest force in the universe and I believe it. Like gravity it can weigh you down.

Altering and changing ones life in a way that fits your values is important. I’ve resisted the stress of the holidays and instead of buying gifts, I payed off what I owed in the hopes of a year where I can afford gifts without interest payments. Want to help me avoid more debt? Schedule a Thai massage with me or come to my yoga classes, every little bit helps.

Just as your yoga practice will grow as you lengthen your spine, that incremental buildup leads to great things. Your breath expands as your diaphragam strengthens and your focus is more sharp. I’ve always been impressed at how the physical integrates into the emotional and energetic body and in the past week my oldest back pain dissipated to the point where I realized it no longer seemed to be there.

I’ve been working on that since the accident that led me into my current work. Twelve years it’s been a lingering annoyance and pain. It came and went, sometimes better sometimes worse but this is the longest it’s been gone. Lengthen your spine and breath indeed. Incremental is the only way things work.

It’s better than this?

A client I worked with recently had low back pain. As usual I had him lay down on the table and performed Thai massage on him. Having never had a massage before the client didn’t know what to expect, he just wanted help with his low back.

As we went along the client commented on how much better it felt already. I explained to him briefly how tight muscles cause pain. If I have him curl a dumbell and hold it for ten minutes he’ll report that his arm hurts. Same thing holds for your back. If muscles contract or stretch and stay that way without relief, pain is the result. If we get them to relax, your nervous system sighs in relief.

He told me he wished he could just stay this way. If he could only figure out how to remain like this he’d be fine. I told him he could, it’s called yoga. He said, “It’s better than this? Are you sure?” I laughed and explained to him that the very same things we’re doing together, he can do on his own. His advantage is that he can push himself right up to his edge, then breathe into it for a better stretch. The other is that he can take it with him wherever he goes. Once he’s learned yoga, he can use it whenever he wants.

He would be a non-traditional student. I’d guess he’s in his 60’s and he’s concerned about his health as he ages. He’s not limber, flexible or young. He’s certainly not a south Austin 25 year old hipster. He is however a perfect candidate for yoga. He’s human and smart enough to listen to how his body feels. His body feels better after Thai massage and his body will respond just as well to yoga. If he’s smart enough to follow his instincts his chocolate just might fall into his peanut butter. Chocolate is Thai massage and yoga is peanut butter, they belong together.

These healing traditions are for everyone. They can allow you to live a life you’ve only imagined.


http://its-that-easy.net/yogakate/main.php?id=32

Older age doesn’t mean decay and suffering, it means older age. No judgements. If you work with your body your physical form is maintained and you can be more healthy and more vibrant than you were at 20. You’ll certainly have more wisdom. He asked me why no one had told him about this Thai massage or yoga before, he’s had back pain for 15 years. I told him no one is sticking a camera in my face to let me tell people.

After finding a copy of Light on Yoga by BKS Iyengar he expressed great optimism about aging. Iyengar is in his 90’s and though mostly retired from teaching he has an active practice. My client having a model for old age and living well made him even more optimistic about his life. After all, he’s got another 30 years to explore what he’s just found.

He recounted that he’s borderline diabetic but his blood sugar has stabilized. He’s not changed anything in his diet. When he asks me why I say, “no idea.” I smile and we continue exploring whatever it is we’re both doing that makes us feel so much better. This is the healing path.

Breaking the mold

I had a conversation with an associate where I was discussing business, marketing and how to draw clients in the 21st century. She has a small niche business she’s trying to grow as I’m working on my own and we were comparing notes. She mentioned that it sounded like I’d escaped the system. I found it odd but thinking on it I realize that it’s living in a city with so much tech industry. People often work for large corporations like Dell, Apple etc. Workers are concerned about downsizing, losing jobs and have high stress levels but I seem relaxed comparatively.

My choice to focus on healing work does not equal all joy with no work or stress. I’ve no insurance and have lived hand to mouth for the entire 10 years I’ve worked as a Thai massage therapist. Many times I’ve wanted to choose another field that would offer security, benefits and the chance at a better life but when I sit to think what I’d do, farmer is the closest to what I would choose. Healing work isn’t a job, it’s a calling. I do it because I’ve no other choice, not in the sense that it’s hopeless but in the sense that I simply have to follow my heart.

Part of my stress is seeing others like tech workers who’ve made choices that they deem necessary but then come to me with large amounts of stress and back pain. For ten years people have told me how much they hurt and ache, how little money they have and the untold amounts of time and energy pressure they’re under to keep performing in whatever roles they’ve chosen. I accept it, just comes with the job but usually I’m telling clients in a small humble way to change your life. Then you’ve no stress or at least less.

A client was late today and I had about 40 minutes of alone time before his Thai massage. I hung out, doing forward bends opening my hamstrings and breathing. A few downward dogs, half moons and headstands down the road then I did half downward dog against a wall. Upon standing I realized I was more calm, more balanced and my nervous system was free. It’s not bad for a break at work. I get to do yoga for a living. It doesn’t yet buy a home but that’s a matter of time. Breaking the mold will help you escape the system.

Think outside of the box, follow your dreams and let no one tell you that it’s impossible. Most who say it cannot be done have simply never tried.

Feeling younger

A client had me work on him for 30 minutes and when we finished he lamented that he hadn’t scheduled a full hour. He said that the work we do makes him feel younger.

I’m always amazed at what I’m doing these days. I can’t really say it’s yoga, can’t really say it’s bodywork and can’t say it’s just education. It’s just where I connect with others and go, I think this will help the most, let’s do this. When a client is willing to take the plunge with me I dare say it’s tantamount to when Peter walked on water with Jesus. Unbelieveable things happen.

That sounds like a tall order but when clients report a 7 on a pain scale out of 10 and walk out telling you they’re at a 1 I start to wonder. When doctors call because their patients went through my yoga therapy class and say that they feel 70% overall improvement in unhealed, ongoing neck conditions what do I do? I allow clients to have their own experience, I help apply what I think will work and most importantly I tell the clients, “It’s You. Has very little to do with me.” I’m just a guide, the journey is yours.

In mentioning youth I told the client that at 34 I feel better than I did at 22 just before my car accident. I’m older, far wiser and honestly more healthy. Age does change things but my yoga practice removes cobwebbs in a way that most seem to consider a nearly mystical conversation with me. Scientifically I honestly don’t know how it does exactly what it does. I just feel better. Pain doesn’t just go away but I work with it. I make my pain scale 4 days go to a 2. Day after day, regular practice and it continues to lower. My posture improves, my breathing is clear and my nervous system is alive. Life sometimes has a sparkle to it.

He’s hoping to do the same and I tell him he can go as far as he wants. The way is yoga. No dogma, no rules. Just honest opinion from someone in the trenches of life. Mentioning how he felt more youthful after our sessions I told him of my grandmother.

Growing up my grandmother was my closest grandparent. She lived with us and I always remember her as crabby. I ran into the kitchen one day as a child and smelling food excitedly asked my grandma what was for dinner. Her face turned into a light scowl and she looked over at me and with a sneer said, “food!” in the same way that an old man tells the neighborhood kids to get off of his lawn. I wondered why grandma was being what I considered mean but I ran off to play.

Grandma was often this way. It wasn’t until I was older that I began to understand. She’d had 3 husbands and divorces, four children and by the time she was old the fallen arches in her feet, a dowagers hump, a slumped upper back and arthritis plagued her. She hurt constantly. It’s a low level ache that crept up on her day after day in the same way the sun and moon rise a set. Before you know it those constant 7 out of 10 days get to you.

When I finished massage school I came home and remember my grandma got her first massage from her grandson at 72 years of age. I loved running my hands over her undernourished skin. She was still solid, skin thick enough to not worry about a tear. I’d press on her upper back and she’d tell me she could feel it in her toes. Small nuances that I couldn’t understand at the time. I just took note and kept working. There were lots of vascular flushes, pushing blood and lymph around and this old woman had some love given to her. Her husbands were long gone. How much quality touch did she receive?

When we finished my grandmothers whole demeanor changed. She was light, bright and full of chatter. She was asking questions about massage, questions about complementary medical practices wondering what else she could do to help herself feel better. I realized at five minutes or so that she was free of pain. Wherever she’d been, the massage lifted her out of the doldrums. Her vision had been changed in the way that an airplane comes through the clouds into the brightness and light of the sun. For a short time, things were clear. Her nervous system wasn’t drowning her in the signals of discomfort and pain. She was happy.

A year or so later grandma passed. I often think of her and am so happy that I had the ability to connect with her in this way. I can think of little as appropriate in the expression of care than helping her as I did. Occasionally and only occasionally I wonder what could have happened if she were around now with what I know. The ideas of grandma doing my lazy yoga in a chair give me slight tears knowing I could have helped her even more. I could have empowered her to know she could change not just by someone else touching her but by harnessing her own healing capacity with yoga.

You’re never too old.

A student in my nursing home class asked me one day, “How far can we go with yoga?” I looked him clearly in the eye and told him that, “You can go as far as you can. Just depends on how much focus, energy and time you put in.” I meant it then and I mean it now.

Your injuries, physical limitations, psychological set, and lifestyle have little to do with whether you’ll succeed. You must only water the seed within yourself that says healing and growth is better than sickness and withering. Come to class here, go slow, breathe and focus. The best breath to start with is the one you’re taking now.

It is your birthright to thrive. To feel younger you must embrace the ebb and flow of life not fight it. Be a cork. Float. I’ll see you soon at Ebb and Flow Yoga studio. We help people feel younger.

First youtube video

Technophobia, attachment, preconceived notions and healing. I’m a massage therapist, thai massage teacher and yoga instructor in Austin, Texas.